The Love not Meant to Be
by SuperSoaker321
Summary: "I guess... I'm trapped. In this endless loophole of your love. That was never meant to be." Sometimes the anxiety can be torturesome. Oneshot Nazrin X Shou.


_Happy 4th of July everyone... even though I live in Canada and we don't celebrate that here. =p It is currently 5:28AM and I just HAD to write this. I've been meaning to write this for the last month and a half but never got around to it. Just tonight, I got the buzz again and since school was over, I jumped on the computer and at the chance before I lost the "buzz" again. Hmm... it seems I've turned it into a sad story. Well, to me it isn't sad because I wrote it, but I wonder if other people will find it sad. Hope you all do!_

_Anyway, it starts of with Nazrin writing her thoughts down in a book. Enjoy!_

* * *

Shou. Sometimes I wonder.

I wonder why we were meant to be. Why we were meant to meet each other. Were we destined long ago by the ancient gods of Gensokyo to cross paths? Was it fate that brought me to you? I don't like to believe that. I believe that everyone has a chance to decide their future. We have the will to change it. But... can I truly change something like this? If so... why can't I? Why must I endure the pain? The suffering? The ambient hope that slowly breaks my spirit as if I were a solid, cold stone slowly eroding as time passes. The clock ticks. The days go by. My very being continues to deteriorate before my eyes.

Shou, Shou, I think I love you. Who am I kidding, of course I do! Not a day goes by without me thinking about you. Every single day, I look at you. Into your eyes. And those golden jewels stare back at me. And your smile. The smile that makes me happy that you're happy, but also kills me inside. To see that you don't love me back. That your smile is only a smile. A smile of friendship. And nothing more. Every night, I lay on my bed staring up at the ceiling. Thinking. Will tomorrow be the day you'll love me? It's my nature to get my hopes up. As stubborn as I am, I always seem to convince myself that you'll fall for me one day. But you never do. And I die a little inside. Every day. Every month. For so many years that I've lost count.

I don't know. Life has been great with you. But hell at the same time. It's hard to tell if you've caused me more joy or more pain. When Byakuren first introduced me to you, I was eager to just get the job over with and go along with life. However, as time passed, you slowly grew on me. I grew accustomed to your lively company. I never thought I'd have this sort of relationship. A bond of friendship. I only wished to remain associates at the time. But it has turned into something more. Much bigger than I had ever expected. Now I'm dying. From you. The abstinence of your true love replaced with the ideas that you truly are my friend. Yes, we're friends. But we can be so much more. Why can't you realize the same thing? As my spirit slowly eats itself, I do my best. To wait for you. For those words. You expressing your love to me. Despite my slow death, I continue to stand strong. I do my best to hide it from you. This is not a thing I will force upon you. It is your choice to express your true feelings for me. I only hope you do it soon, as I am unsure of how much more I can endure.

However, there is one thing that puts a giant gap in things. I know you're a disciple of Bishamonten. I also know that you are extremely devout in your daily responsibilities. A person like me... cannot expect someone like you to love me. You must continue to serve Bishamonten. Despite my love. It is foolish of me to hope for the impossible.

I guess... I'm trapped. In this endless loophole of your love. That was never meant to be. And it never will. Maybe fate and destiny were right. I was brought here. And I can't do anything. But suffer under fate.

No.

I will continue to fight it. No matter what. Your love may be impossible to prove myself for. But there are other ways to fight against my destiny. My destiny to remain here under the torture of your love. I can end it now. I've thought about it for a while now. And I am certain that this is the answer to everything. I used to serve under Bishamonten just as you do now. I was instructed by Byakuren to assist you in becoming a faithful disciple of Bishamonten. And you have succeeded wonderfully. Now that you've become one, my presence is not needed at the temple. Then my purpose became to earn your love. However, having in failed doing that, I simply have no other purpose in this world. Now, I am left to suffer. That's not how it's going to end. I won't let it be so.

Shou. I have everything set. It has been a wonderful life with you filled with many things. I have the rope hanging up on a chain in my room. I have to prove that I can defy my fate. My destiny. It's the only way. I've learned many things from you, Shou. I only hope... that you will never forget me. Always remember me as a friend. A friend who had always deeply cared more about you than you would have ever thought. Farewell... Toramaru Shou.

* * *

As Nazrin finished writing her last few words, a tear slid down her cheek and dropped onto the page. She glanced upwards and around her. She was sitting on a rock near the temple. She looked down at the field and admired the scenery of the blue sky and clouds as the wind blew gingerly through her hair. She looked to her left and saw a Jasmine flower. She plucked it and took in a deep breath, smelling it's sweet scent. This would be the last time she'd see the world in all of it's beauty.

"Hiya!" Shou greeted as she approached Nazrin. Nazrin quickly turned around and looked at her placing the book she was writing in down next to her. There was an awkward silence and all that could be heard was the breeze blowing through the field causing ripples throughout the grass.

"Ohh? W-what? Is something wrong?" Shou asked.

"... It's nothing." Nazrin replied, her voice slightly breaking. She got off the rock and walked off into the field in the direction of her home.

"_Huh..._" Shou wondered. She stared at the mouse in the distance until she was just a tiny spec at the end of the horizon. After that, she turned around and saw a book lying on the rock.

_'Hey... that's Nazrin's book. She must've forgotten it. I better go give it back._' the tiger thought.

The book was still open and when she went to go grab it, she caught the sight of her name written on the page. Giving in to her curiosity, she started from the top of the page and began to read.

"... N-Nazrin?"

* * *

_I love Shou. I really do - literally! So writing in the perspective of Nazrin was very easy for me to do. And pessimistic stories I'm just good at. Yeah, I know. I have a weird style. Leave me alone!_

_Anyway, hope you enjoyed reading!_


End file.
